ISS Adventure Squad
There are only a few people in this world who can explain what it feels like to try to wash egg yolk out of one's hair. After Halloween night this past Monday, two more names can be added to that list: Josh Rohrscheib and me, Brian Pierce.
Josh and I had preoccupied ourselves in the ISS office until about 2:00 AM. The company of some senate colleagues, including Joe Danavi, Amanda Palazzo, and Hassen Al-Shawaf, had engaged us well into the night. But all good things must come to an end, and so Josh and I decided to walk home. As we walked south on the Quad past Noyes, we encountered three young men wearing Scream masks (incidentally, dressing up as the guy from Scream for Halloween is like wearing a popped collar: anybody who does it has the same moral standing as a convicted sex offender). They passed by us without incident and Josh and I went on our merry way...right up until the attempt on our lives.
Well, okay, it may or may not have been an assassination attempt. I'm not entirely convinced it wasn't. In any case, the three Scream guys suddenly turned around and started pelting us with eggs. More than anything, it was bizarre. The strangest thing was how long it went on. They took the time to throw maybe 8 or 1o eggs, over a period of time of may 15-20 seconds. It was odd that we chose to simply stand there and continue letting them throw eggs at us, and yet we were immobilized. It's not every day that kids throw eggs at you in the middle of the Quad, at least as long as you're not editor-in-chief of the Orange and Blue Observer.
Then they ran off, leaving Josh and I dripping with egg goo, staring at each other in bewilderment. As we continued walking home, Josh asked--I kid you not--"Do you think they did that because you're gay and they thought we were together?" I told him I was pretty sure that was the most ridiculous thing I'd heard all day, and asked if he honestly thought those kids were carrying around eggs with them on the off chance that they might see a couple queers they could victimize. "Hey, I don't know what it's like to be persecuted, okay?" he said defensively.
As we walked down the street, a police car happened to be driving by. Josh flagged it down and let the officer know there were some hooligans on the prowl (presumably searching for more gay men to throw eggs at), and then the officer asked that if they were caught, did we want them prosecuted. It was clear he wanted us to say no. Josh's reply: "To the fullest extent of the law." Then the officer turned to me and asked, "Would you also want to press charges?" I hesitated. "Maybe," I said. Josh immediately interjected, "Stop it, yes, you do!" I was bullied into saying yes.
Finally we arrived at our respective places of residence, where I washed the egg out of my hair and went to bed. The police never ended up catching the guys, which means they're still out their somewhere, lurking the shadows, waiting for the next innocent civilian to prey upon. I tell this story as a cautionary tale, and urge you all to excercise heightened awareness in this time of uncertainty and peril. You never know when the next egg will strike.
Josh and I had preoccupied ourselves in the ISS office until about 2:00 AM. The company of some senate colleagues, including Joe Danavi, Amanda Palazzo, and Hassen Al-Shawaf, had engaged us well into the night. But all good things must come to an end, and so Josh and I decided to walk home. As we walked south on the Quad past Noyes, we encountered three young men wearing Scream masks (incidentally, dressing up as the guy from Scream for Halloween is like wearing a popped collar: anybody who does it has the same moral standing as a convicted sex offender). They passed by us without incident and Josh and I went on our merry way...right up until the attempt on our lives.
Well, okay, it may or may not have been an assassination attempt. I'm not entirely convinced it wasn't. In any case, the three Scream guys suddenly turned around and started pelting us with eggs. More than anything, it was bizarre. The strangest thing was how long it went on. They took the time to throw maybe 8 or 1o eggs, over a period of time of may 15-20 seconds. It was odd that we chose to simply stand there and continue letting them throw eggs at us, and yet we were immobilized. It's not every day that kids throw eggs at you in the middle of the Quad, at least as long as you're not editor-in-chief of the Orange and Blue Observer.
Then they ran off, leaving Josh and I dripping with egg goo, staring at each other in bewilderment. As we continued walking home, Josh asked--I kid you not--"Do you think they did that because you're gay and they thought we were together?" I told him I was pretty sure that was the most ridiculous thing I'd heard all day, and asked if he honestly thought those kids were carrying around eggs with them on the off chance that they might see a couple queers they could victimize. "Hey, I don't know what it's like to be persecuted, okay?" he said defensively.
As we walked down the street, a police car happened to be driving by. Josh flagged it down and let the officer know there were some hooligans on the prowl (presumably searching for more gay men to throw eggs at), and then the officer asked that if they were caught, did we want them prosecuted. It was clear he wanted us to say no. Josh's reply: "To the fullest extent of the law." Then the officer turned to me and asked, "Would you also want to press charges?" I hesitated. "Maybe," I said. Josh immediately interjected, "Stop it, yes, you do!" I was bullied into saying yes.
Finally we arrived at our respective places of residence, where I washed the egg out of my hair and went to bed. The police never ended up catching the guys, which means they're still out their somewhere, lurking the shadows, waiting for the next innocent civilian to prey upon. I tell this story as a cautionary tale, and urge you all to excercise heightened awareness in this time of uncertainty and peril. You never know when the next egg will strike.
posted by Illinois Student Senate | 2:45 AM
3 Comments:
The campus is on an orange alert for egg chuckers
Ok, I'm going to be honest, it was an assassination attempt, I was attempting a coup. Maybe next time I'll have my assassins use something a bit more lethal then eggs. Honestly I don't know how I thought that would work.
Ruzic
Notice how Brian left out the part about washing the rest of his body, or perhaps his clothes. This is because the kid is filthy. As his roommate, I am the authority on this matter.
-Amanda
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