The ISS beat: Happy Thanksgiving
The Illinois Student Senate is out of session just as tensions between the Rohrschieb-Ruzic administration and the rest of the ISS reached a boiling point. The administration has come under heat in recent weeks for undermining established ISS processes and by-laws.
The conflict grew as Chief of Staff Ariel Avila, long time Rohrschieb-Ruzic crony, threatened the entire Senate with delinquency for not turning in Senate reports. The move would essentially shut down the ISS.
Shadow cabinet president and Appointments Chair William Joseph Mills retorted, “my committee doesn’t do anything. How can I write a report on a committee that doesn’t do anything? That would be one short report”.
Despite threats of a government shutdown, hopes are high for a compromise. Senator Laura Engle, who has gained support in recent weeks from her colleagues said, “we will get through this because we need to get through this. The students deserve an effective government”.
Rohrshieb agreed, “we are closer and closer to reaching closure,” he said.
In a gesture of good faith, even Senator-in-Exile Adam Blahnik had kind words for the administration, saying of Rohrschieb, “no other student has done such a duty for many years”.
In other news, the Honorable Senator Joseph Vartan Danavi has repeatedly denied reports that he is in fact IlliniPundit’s Vartanitron. Sources close to Danavi say the allegations have taken their toll on the once proud Assyrian Senator. As of yet, no member of the ISS has come forward as the phantom blogger.
Hassen Al-Shawaf
Graduate Student
Note: Please take the above article lightly. The above article is approximately 30% truth and 70% comedy.
The conflict grew as Chief of Staff Ariel Avila, long time Rohrschieb-Ruzic crony, threatened the entire Senate with delinquency for not turning in Senate reports. The move would essentially shut down the ISS.
Shadow cabinet president and Appointments Chair William Joseph Mills retorted, “my committee doesn’t do anything. How can I write a report on a committee that doesn’t do anything? That would be one short report”.
Despite threats of a government shutdown, hopes are high for a compromise. Senator Laura Engle, who has gained support in recent weeks from her colleagues said, “we will get through this because we need to get through this. The students deserve an effective government”.
Rohrshieb agreed, “we are closer and closer to reaching closure,” he said.
In a gesture of good faith, even Senator-in-Exile Adam Blahnik had kind words for the administration, saying of Rohrschieb, “no other student has done such a duty for many years”.
In other news, the Honorable Senator Joseph Vartan Danavi has repeatedly denied reports that he is in fact IlliniPundit’s Vartanitron. Sources close to Danavi say the allegations have taken their toll on the once proud Assyrian Senator. As of yet, no member of the ISS has come forward as the phantom blogger.
Hassen Al-Shawaf
Graduate Student
Note: Please take the above article lightly. The above article is approximately 30% truth and 70% comedy.
posted by Illinois Student Senate | 1:50 PM
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